Hey Gretchen. I just finished look over your storybook, which looks great! I really liked the template and picture that you chose for the coverpage. The color scheme made everything easy to read and the picture fit in perfectly! Site navigation also seemed to be working very well. For your introduction, you did a great job of introducing us to the situation and providing some suspenseful commentary from the narrator. I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors. It got a little confusing, trying to keep up with what Nara was saying to us (the readers) versus what he was saying to the museum goers. Have you considered possibly making your readers guests in the tour? That might be a really cool option for drawing us in and creating a little more suspense about what we might see. It could also help to eliminate the feeling that there is a shift in the audience each time quotation marks are used. I really think that your storybook has a lot of potential! It kind of makes me think about Night at the Museum, except we're being draw into their world instead of them coming alive in ours. Great job so far! I look forward to watching as this storybook develops.
Trying to not hit on some of the same points that Austin commented about, I thought your storybook was interesting. I think you will find a plethora of material you can possibly talk about, so the stories you choose to tell can really be from anything as long as you can relate it to an artifact in your museum.
My favorite part / first impression came from your usage of hyperlinks to help explain the museum name as well as Kubera and yaksha. Those little details really help someone who can get ahead of himself while reading like me. You should make sure to continue to include those as they show a focused attention to exposition details.
I'm not sure how possible this is, but in your introduction, while you are describing the how the eery paintings tend to change and interact with the observer, it would be really cool to find some sort of gif / picture of a painting that is moving -- much like the ones in Harry Potter, if you will. Even if you cannot find one that is moving and morphing, you could also just include another picture of an artifact close up. I think your layout was very solid and managed to keep the attention focused on the writing on the page.
The design of your webpage is simple and clean. This goes along with the theme of your storybook introduction. I could see this as being a website for a museum so that is good. The one critique I have is the white background. While I liked it on your home page, when I was reading your introduction I found it to be a little distracting, though this is a matter of person preference so it is not something that would keep people from reading it. Your introduction is good for a number of reasons. The first is that the language used by the tour guide. It is professional, so that is something that would also go along with the theme of being on an art museum tour. Second is that though I am in the class and have read these stories, visitors to your website may not have read them so this fact that you used different names for the characters is a good way of bringing this story to not only someone that has read the Ramayana in a new way, but also someone that has not read it. I would say that you are on your way to a great storybook.
Hi Elena! I suppose I'll begin my comment by talking about the layout of your webpage. First and foremost, I like it! I am a big fan of simple page designs that let the content speak for itself. Your storybook is sort of set in a museum, and I feel like the layout and color scheme fit motif to a T. Your page has an official feel to it, as if I could be reading your introduction on the official website of an actual museum. Less is more, I say, and I think that principle is in full effect here. I really like the basic concept you have for your storybook here. The idea of living paintings is really neat, and it reminds me a lot of the Harry Potter books. In case you haven't read them, Hogwarts, the wizardry school, is full of paintings who subjects are still very much alive in a sense. It's a great idea, and I think it will allow you a large degree of freedom when retelling some of the stories from the epics we'll be reading. Especially since you can write from the perspective of some of these characters! You'll be able to add your own flair to these figures as they introduce themselves to the hordes of eager tourists. Overall, great job! Keep it up!
Hi Gretchen! The layout of your website looks very clean and professional. The picture you chose for the coverpage is very fitting. You are going a great job so far. I also enjoyed your introduction. You did a great job of setting the tone for the entire Storybook page. Living in paintings is such a good idea. When I am in a museum, I always try to picture what the life of the person in the painting is like. Your story really reminds me of "Night at The Museum". This was the first thing I thought of while reading this introduction. I did not notice any grammatical errors. I liked how you changed the names of the characters. It gives the story excitement and a new twist. It will be fun to see the relation. I am looking forward to reading your stories in the future. I have no idea how they will play out but I am sure it will be great. Can not wait to see what stories you choose to retell. Best of luck and good job!
Hey Gretchen! I just perused through your site and thought it was really cool that you decided to go with a museum style storybook, I hadn't thought of that. Plus, picking gods' vehicles as a topic? How did that idea come to you? Also, how cool that the paintings come to life. It is fun to think of the paintings actually playing out their stories in front of your eyes. You really chose a great art piece to start out with. It's ancient and done in the traditional Indian style, which is perfect for tying in your modern museum theme with the epic historical importance of such an old text as the Ramayana or Mahabharata. I feel like you also achieved this dichotomy with the narration that comes from the narrator and the gods themselves. I loved that you decided not just to have the pictures come alive and play out a scene, but to have the characters in there be summoned by the viewing of the painting. This way they can interact with the characters and give readers a good sense of the gods' personalities. I think you've chosen a cool concept and look forward to reading more from you. I'm definitely interested to see which characters and stories you choose to use for your future writings.
Hi Gretchen! I have only read the first two paragraphs of your introduction and I am very intrigued. I really like the way you are having the employee be the narrator. Following his thoughts is giving me anxiety! I just want to know what makes this exhibit so special! Wow, how creative of you! Has anyone else covered this subject before? I really love the way you carried us into the room and helped us visualize the paintings become life-like! Characterizing the vahanas is the greatest thing. It was so smart of you to describe them as attention-loving for the purpose of the exhibit. Your different explanations for how the museum came to own these paintings are so creative! They correspond perfectly with the rest of your story and you are leaving your reader with so much to think about! I cannot wait to read your first entry! The way you left the reader, with the cliffhanger of what Airavata is going to do/say, was genius! You are a natural storyteller. I wish I had that ability! A note on your layout: I am not crazy about it. I think your photos are great and correspond well with your story, but I think that you should choose one with less color and certainly less green! Museums are known for being clean and without any details to distract from the artwork, maybe try to incorporate that theme into your layout and design. Cant wait to read your next story!
Thank you for the comments you have left on my posts! Especially on my Week 4 posts - Dear Diary. I will try to get more in touch with my characters emotions from here on out! That was very helpful!
Thank you for your comments on my storybook! I appreciate that you gave me constructive criticism because you're the only person who has said anything negative about anything of mine so far. I'll take your recommendations into consideration.
Hey Gretchen. I really appreciate your feedback on my storybook. I had actually planned on updating the coverpage to a collage of all of the brothers, but I hadn’t made up my mind about the characters quite yet. Now that my introduction basically defined them all, I’ll definitely be fixing that. I chose the happier photo because I didn’t want the storybook to focus on the grieving as much as the theme of brotherhood. While each of the surviving brothers is mourning their losses, I was hoping to write each story in a way that emphasizes the connections that they had with one another. Also, Rama’s surprise at the end of the storybook should give it a very happy conclusion! Everybody seems to agree that the introduction could use a picture, so I’ll be updating that pretty soon. I hope that you keep up with my storybook for the next few weeks and continue to provide such useful feedback!
Hi Gretchen. I wanted to thank you for your constructive criticism, especially of what I thought was my best writing of the semester. I think you don't look specifically at each section of the writing, but how it logically flows overall. That's the kind of criticism you don't get from most posters
This was my second visit to your book, so my main focus will be on the story you have in there. I like that you chose Airavata as your narrator, because he's not talked about much in Buck's version (:like you said) which gives you a mostly blank slate to go off of when he's narrating.
I would like to suggest to you to do something to make sure people know he's the elephant in the story and painting. This could be accomplished by either including something in the description or having your museum tour leader saying something about him being an elephant. Good work on your first story, and I hope to see your book again sometime soon.
I realized in retrospect that you did include that the elephant bowed for the audience, which was exactly what I was trying to get you to do. If there's any way you can include a detail like that earlier in the first story, I think it would be perfect. I like your segue in the museum as it logically makes sense to go from exhibit to exhibit, which makes it easy to go from story to story.
I read your introduction before and I believe I left a comment so when you ended up in my group I was excited to see how you approached your story. The first part of your story was like an mini introduction and it was hilarious. The way the people reacted, from the characters in the picture, to the tour guide was perfect. Once your story began I think you did a great job of adding more to the story that I felt was glossed over in both books so you did a good job. I do have a few critiques for you about the actual body of your story. I would go back and change the spacing between the paragraphs. This distance between them really distracted me when I was reading. I am not sure if this was just a formatting issue from MS Word or if you chose this spacing on purpose but because your background is White, having that large of a space the reader begins to focus on the white background rather than you the actual words so at time I found myself reading lines more than once. One great thing about your story I really like was the hotlinked words. I think this was a great idea because it helps the reader understand not just your story but the characters in your story a little more. Great Job.
Cover Page: This picture is beautiful!!! Do they have Hindu exhibits in the Philadelphia Museum of Art, or is this just a really cool picture?
Introduction: O my goodness this is SO GOOD!!! I absolutely love this idea of the paintings coming to life to tell a story!!! Typically when I write my comments for the internet assignment I write them as a read, and often stop in the middle of reading to write. As I read yours I couldn’t stop. You had drawn me in and I couldn’t stop. Great Job!!! I cannot wait to read your story next.
Airavata’s Story: O I thought I was a part of the tour group . . . Well I guess not. Wait I thought this was Nara’s first tour ever? I thought he just found out about moving pictures, so would this not be the first time he gets to see people’s reactions to the moving paintings?
I do love this story so much!!!!! This is a very creative way to share the story of how Ravana captured Indra. I think it really fit that the story was from the perspective of his vahanas. I did notice the changes you made in the story and I think you made the right chose in making a blended version of the two, Buck’s and Narayan’s, plus adding in your own twist. I liked it a lot!! GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, Gretchen! You picked such a fun topic. I like how you set it up that this knowledge was exclusive but you were sharing it “secretly” with us as an audience- I was automatically more tuned into the story when I felt like you were going to tell a secret. I also really liked the pictures you included on all pages- it help provide a visual image of what the story setting is. I particularly liked how you put the picture toward the top so I already had an image in my mind before I read the story. I love how you chose to tell the stories in the “Ramayana” but the set up for the story is so interesting and from a cool point of view. I can also see how you set up the other stories for some other moving/talking portraits. As for the formatting of the storybook, the colors are great- distinguished, sophisticated, but there’s still some color. Also, the text shows up very clearly and is easy to read. In your author’s note you had mentioned why you chose to tell a story about Airvata and really like how you thought threw why you chose him and didn’t just choose a character based on the first story that came to mind. Keep up the great work!
Hi Gretchen. I just got to look over your storybook. You picked a really good topic to focus on. The way that you introduce your story lets the audience feel as if you are allowing them to share a secret with you, drawing them closer in. The moment I read that, I was automatically more interested in how the storybook was going to be set up. I love the picture that you set for the cover page. It definitely sets the stage for the different stories being based off of paintings. I never thought to have the paintings be alive, kind of like the magical paintings in Harry Potter. The tour guide makes the tour seem more personal, and the manner in which the stories are told is a lot of fun! The first story is really well told. It is interesting to see how the painting works both to interact with the audience and to act as a tour guide himself. I think that the way you are presenting the vahanas works to show their personalities. I am looking forward to reading the story on Garuda for next week. I love the image that you chose for it. Keep up the great work!
Hey Gretchen, what a great concept and idea you chose to do your storybook over, I mean its awesome! I liked how you portrayed all the characters and how you chose to write it. Firstly, I enjoyed the pictures you chose to portray the idea of Museums and how each character is involved and highlighted. I must say you are a great writer because I did not want to stop reading your stories because they were that interesting! I think you have the right idea while writing because you make the reader want to read more and be anticipated for the next time which is great! I thought it was cool that you made the paintings alive! I mean that is really awesome! Your idea of portraying the vahanas in such a way is unique and definitely something that is new, which makes the readers more interested in your work. Your cover page and introduction both are solid. I enjoyed reading your stories so far and I can tell you know exactly how to please your readers! You are doing a great job with your book and stories. I can't wait to read more of your work next time. Good job Gretchen!
Hey good morning Gretchen! I absolutely love your storybook! The background is pleasant and not too abrasive of a color scheme. The font you used is also a good choice and not something all that ridiculous. I thought the picture on the front page of the museum was a cool idea and also how the following picture is of inside the museum followed be a close up of a single painting. It flows well with the story in that its like you’re walking into the museum and then proceeding to the exhibit. As for the theme of the stories, I must say it is very creative and pretty awesome. I almost feel like the paintings are like those found in Harry Potter. I also enjoyed how much enthusiasm you put into your story. I can almost see you being the peppy museum curator absolutely loving your job all the while doing your best to insure everyone else is having a fantastic time. The way you had the talking painting tell the story of Indra being beaten by Ravana was pretty great and made the storytelling feel more authentic in that you actually got Indra’s personal account of the battle. I can’t wait to read more of your stories. Keep up the great work.
Yeah I had the same question about the two women in the picture. I wondered who they were. I am pretty sure one of them is Lakshmi (the goddess who incarnated as Sita), but I wonder who the other one is. I think you did a wonderful job in condensing the story into less than 1000 words. I really liked the story of Garuda when I first read it, so I think this story is great. I particularly like how Garuda was cunning in getting the nectar but had no intention of letting them drink it. I love that you added that the way Garuda stalled his family from drinking it was completely outrageous, because they do not have any hands. I like how everyone in the painting moves and can even talk, but it is the vahana who really do the talking. I wonder who the next painting will be of. Previously I have read the first part of your storybook and I greatly enjoyed it so I was excited to see that your next story was up. I think you did a great job on this particular story. I specifically like the use of your dialogue. I think it fits very well within the original story. Over all I think you have done a wonderful job.
I really love the idea you’ve come up with for your storybook! Very Night at the Museum! The thing I adore most about your writing is that it’s always pristinely edited, and you actually know how to separate your story out into paragraphs! There are so many people that have not picked up this knowledge yet. As for pictures, I love them. I think you’ve chosen great pictures for your stories, though I do have to say that the picture on Garuda’s story is not my fave. I think Airavata’s story picture worked really well with the moving art premise of your storybook, but somehow Garuda’s story picture did not do the same or at least not as well. Honestly, your storybook is not very captivating. You theme and layout are boring (though it does work with the museum feel) and your title is about as vanilla as they come. “Mysterious Museum” leaves no intrigue or mystery in my mind, only boredom. Granted, I have no suitable alternative titles for you, but perhaps it is something to play with in the future. Same with your theme, because there are so many great and interesting ones for free and I cannot stress how a night of just playing around on this website will do for your storybook.
Hey, Gretchen! I love your new storybook addition! I already commented on the introduction and the first story, so I’m going to focus more on the second one for these comments. For starters, wonderful job! I love how the story was told in such a fun, personal way. I also really liked how you added much more detail and really showed the background of the friendship rather than brushing over it because they are such close friends and you did a great job of highlighting that! Furthermore, your blog itself is great. The spaces between paragraphs help break up the story into more read-able pieces which is wonderful. Furthermore, the olive color of the background helps create a sophisticated feel – perfect for a upscale museum setting. The font is also easy to read and shows up well on the background. The picture you chose also fits well and I love how you have found such great pictures that really would be in a museum. Also, being able to see the picture on the page helps symbolize what the talking pictures would maybe look like. Overall, I don’t really have any suggestions. If anything, I think that when there are quotation marks but paragraphed off, you leaves quotation marks off on the back end but put them in front of the new paragraph but that’s all I got. Great work!
Hey Gretchen! I returned to your storybook this week and read Garuda's story. I was not at all disappointed! The first thing I noticed was the picture, and I really liked it. One thing I love about Indian art is that it includes so many beautiful colors. The picture you chose is beautiful and kind of funny to me because it makes Garuda look like a player/ladies man. Anyway, besides the picture, I enjoyed your actual story a lot. You are a really talented writer! You added lots of wonderful detail to this story and I like that you went into the story of their friendship instead of just stating that they are close friends. You also gave the story a very personal feel which made the narrator more interesting. The writing is really good and the layout does not detract from it. I like how broken up your story is and how much it relies on discussion between characters. Dialogue can sometimes seem unnecessary or awkward, but you placed it well and used it to really advance your story. The only thing I can say is that I wish your overall blog was more colorful. It's not necessary, but I am a big fan of color.
Hi Gretchen! Your storybook looks great! I really like the cover photo you have chosen, as it really gives your readers the starting image of where this is all taking place. I have commented on your introduction before but I will say again that I think it is terrific. You really set this up nicely for your readers and it instills an interest immediately. I really like how your narrator has a sense of humor about the whole thing. I feel like she is kind of going through the story with us while also carrying us along on our own journey of observation. I really like how the characters are excited to tell their story-- it adds a bit more excitement to the rest of us. I really like the way you have changed up the story slightly to be a hybrid between Buck and Narayan’s versions. The image you have chosen for your second story is terrific because I think I have never seen it before and you have defined it with a date below it, the way most museums display their art. Nice touch. I really like all of the dialogue you have included in your second story. I felt like your first story was missing this and you did a great job of working it in here.
I loved your theme! When I opened your Storybook, I had no idea what to expect. The title had me really curious and I couldn't help but want to know more about the Mysterious Museum! Your introduction was great. After reading through it, I immediately knew what angle you were going to hit the stories from and how you were going to generally approach them. Made me feel a lot better knowing all this information. I loved this theme! Super creative. It kind of reminds me of the moving paintings in Harry Potter. Even though they don't always tell full stories, that whole concept was just so cool to me! So props on bringing that here to your storybook!! I love how spaced out and easy to follow your stories are. Your narrator is a person that I would want to be friends with one day! You portrayed her feelings and emotions throughout each story really well. I definitely felt like she was doing a great job guiding the audience. Both you stories were very well written and I think having the dialogue and images there really helped pull everything together. You did a great job on your Storybook!
Hello Gretchen! This is my first visit to your storybook and I have got to say it is very well put together! The cover page works great since this is where all the stories are being told, inside the museum. The image in the introduction of a room with people makes it seem like the reader is included in this story as well as a spectator so I think that was a creative call. I think it is interesting that you chose to have artwork displayed in a museum tell their own stories because it is usually written on a plaque beside the artwork. You could have done this and had the spectator be reading these plaques but I am so glad you took the more interesting route of having moving and talking paintings! The narrator in the intro does a good job of bouncing back between speaking to the reader, having their own thoughts about the artwork, and speaking to the spectators directly. I think the first story 'Airavata's story' is well told and I love the detail you put into the confrontation with Ravana and how Airavata got to scar him. Great work with this storybook, it flows perfectly with the images and the author's notes.
Hey Gretchen! This was a really great storybook. I just don’t understand how I was never able to read this storybook through out the semester. I regret not having seen this storybook earlier. I feel like you had a rally unique theme and pretty unique stories as well. The introduction was pretty great how you made the art with the actual characters of the stories. It was really great how you made the little kid the one to point out that the characters were moving, since adults tend to refrain from blurting out things. So I feel like you did an amazing job in introducing this storybook and getting the readers interested in the storybook. The stories that follow after that are just amazing. They do a really amazing job in keeping the readers interested. The stories were also some that were outside of the normal, which we are used to hearing and the storytelling point of view is also really amazing. These stories are told from the vahanas point of view. This is really great because we rarely hear them speak or tell us anything so this is another factor that keeps us interested. I really enjoyed this storybook and can’t believe I didn’t see this storybook earlier.
Hi Gretchen! It was nice reading your storybook project. I found it really weird that it was my first time reading your storybook project in this semester. I clicked on your website and I really liked the theme of it. From your titled I assumed your storybook project to be about museums and library archives or something along those lines. And your website gave me that exact image in my head. The colors fit perfectly, especially with the different shades of green. The picture of the Philadelphia museum of art was also the perfect addition to your website. I also really liked your idea for the storybook project. I thought that it was really creative idea and that you did an amazing job with your project. After reading your introduction I thought that you did an excellent job grabbing the reader’s attention and keeping it throughout the entire read. I also thought that the stories were really interesting. They were a very smooth read. I could not really think of a way to make your story book project any better than it already is. Overall I think you did an outstanding job on your project and I hope to read your other stories for fun in the future!
Hey Gretchen. I just finished look over your storybook, which looks great! I really liked the template and picture that you chose for the coverpage. The color scheme made everything easy to read and the picture fit in perfectly! Site navigation also seemed to be working very well.
ReplyDeleteFor your introduction, you did a great job of introducing us to the situation and providing some suspenseful commentary from the narrator. I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors. It got a little confusing, trying to keep up with what Nara was saying to us (the readers) versus what he was saying to the museum goers. Have you considered possibly making your readers guests in the tour? That might be a really cool option for drawing us in and creating a little more suspense about what we might see. It could also help to eliminate the feeling that there is a shift in the audience each time quotation marks are used.
I really think that your storybook has a lot of potential! It kind of makes me think about Night at the Museum, except we're being draw into their world instead of them coming alive in ours. Great job so far! I look forward to watching as this storybook develops.
Hiya Gretchen!
ReplyDeleteTrying to not hit on some of the same points that Austin commented about, I thought your storybook was interesting. I think you will find a plethora of material you can possibly talk about, so the stories you choose to tell can really be from anything as long as you can relate it to an artifact in your museum.
My favorite part / first impression came from your usage of hyperlinks to help explain the museum name as well as Kubera and yaksha. Those little details really help someone who can get ahead of himself while reading like me. You should make sure to continue to include those as they show a focused attention to exposition details.
I'm not sure how possible this is, but in your introduction, while you are describing the how the eery paintings tend to change and interact with the observer, it would be really cool to find some sort of gif / picture of a painting that is moving -- much like the ones in Harry Potter, if you will. Even if you cannot find one that is moving and morphing, you could also just include another picture of an artifact close up. I think your layout was very solid and managed to keep the attention focused on the writing on the page.
The design of your webpage is simple and clean. This goes along with the theme of your storybook introduction. I could see this as being a website for a museum so that is good. The one critique I have is the white background. While I liked it on your home page, when I was reading your introduction I found it to be a little distracting, though this is a matter of person preference so it is not something that would keep people from reading it.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is good for a number of reasons. The first is that the language used by the tour guide. It is professional, so that is something that would also go along with the theme of being on an art museum tour. Second is that though I am in the class and have read these stories, visitors to your website may not have read them so this fact that you used different names for the characters is a good way of bringing this story to not only someone that has read the Ramayana in a new way, but also someone that has not read it. I would say that you are on your way to a great storybook.
Hi Elena! I suppose I'll begin my comment by talking about the layout of your webpage. First and foremost, I like it! I am a big fan of simple page designs that let the content speak for itself. Your storybook is sort of set in a museum, and I feel like the layout and color scheme fit motif to a T. Your page has an official feel to it, as if I could be reading your introduction on the official website of an actual museum. Less is more, I say, and I think that principle is in full effect here.
ReplyDeleteI really like the basic concept you have for your storybook here. The idea of living paintings is really neat, and it reminds me a lot of the Harry Potter books. In case you haven't read them, Hogwarts, the wizardry school, is full of paintings who subjects are still very much alive in a sense. It's a great idea, and I think it will allow you a large degree of freedom when retelling some of the stories from the epics we'll be reading. Especially since you can write from the perspective of some of these characters! You'll be able to add your own flair to these figures as they introduce themselves to the hordes of eager tourists. Overall, great job! Keep it up!
Hi Gretchen! The layout of your website looks very clean and professional. The picture you chose for the coverpage is very fitting. You are going a great job so far. I also enjoyed your introduction. You did a great job of setting the tone for the entire Storybook page. Living in paintings is such a good idea. When I am in a museum, I always try to picture what the life of the person in the painting is like. Your story really reminds me of "Night at The Museum". This was the first thing I thought of while reading this introduction. I did not notice any grammatical errors. I liked how you changed the names of the characters. It gives the story excitement and a new twist. It will be fun to see the relation. I am looking forward to reading your stories in the future. I have no idea how they will play out but I am sure it will be great. Can not wait to see what stories you choose to retell. Best of luck and good job!
ReplyDeleteHey Gretchen! I just perused through your site and thought it was really cool that you decided to go with a museum style storybook, I hadn't thought of that. Plus, picking gods' vehicles as a topic? How did that idea come to you? Also, how cool that the paintings come to life. It is fun to think of the paintings actually playing out their stories in front of your eyes. You really chose a great art piece to start out with. It's ancient and done in the traditional Indian style, which is perfect for tying in your modern museum theme with the epic historical importance of such an old text as the Ramayana or Mahabharata. I feel like you also achieved this dichotomy with the narration that comes from the narrator and the gods themselves. I loved that you decided not just to have the pictures come alive and play out a scene, but to have the characters in there be summoned by the viewing of the painting. This way they can interact with the characters and give readers a good sense of the gods' personalities. I think you've chosen a cool concept and look forward to reading more from you. I'm definitely interested to see which characters and stories you choose to use for your future writings.
ReplyDeleteHi Gretchen! I have only read the first two paragraphs of your introduction and I am very intrigued. I really like the way you are having the employee be the narrator. Following his thoughts is giving me anxiety! I just want to know what makes this exhibit so special!
ReplyDeleteWow, how creative of you! Has anyone else covered this subject before? I really love the way you carried us into the room and helped us visualize the paintings become life-like! Characterizing the vahanas is the greatest thing. It was so smart of you to describe them as attention-loving for the purpose of the exhibit.
Your different explanations for how the museum came to own these paintings are so creative! They correspond perfectly with the rest of your story and you are leaving your reader with so much to think about!
I cannot wait to read your first entry! The way you left the reader, with the cliffhanger of what Airavata is going to do/say, was genius! You are a natural storyteller. I wish I had that ability!
A note on your layout: I am not crazy about it. I think your photos are great and correspond well with your story, but I think that you should choose one with less color and certainly less green! Museums are known for being clean and without any details to distract from the artwork, maybe try to incorporate that theme into your layout and design.
Cant wait to read your next story!
Thank you for the comments you have left on my post! They have been very helpful!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comments you have left on my posts! Especially on my Week 4 posts - Dear Diary. I will try to get more in touch with my characters emotions from here on out! That was very helpful!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments on my storybook! I appreciate that you gave me constructive criticism because you're the only person who has said anything negative about anything of mine so far. I'll take your recommendations into consideration.
ReplyDeleteHey Gretchen. I really appreciate your feedback on my storybook. I had actually planned on updating the coverpage to a collage of all of the brothers, but I hadn’t made up my mind about the characters quite yet. Now that my introduction basically defined them all, I’ll definitely be fixing that. I chose the happier photo because I didn’t want the storybook to focus on the grieving as much as the theme of brotherhood. While each of the surviving brothers is mourning their losses, I was hoping to write each story in a way that emphasizes the connections that they had with one another. Also, Rama’s surprise at the end of the storybook should give it a very happy conclusion! Everybody seems to agree that the introduction could use a picture, so I’ll be updating that pretty soon. I hope that you keep up with my storybook for the next few weeks and continue to provide such useful feedback!
ReplyDeleteHi Gretchen. I wanted to thank you for your constructive criticism, especially of what I thought was my best writing of the semester. I think you don't look specifically at each section of the writing, but how it logically flows overall. That's the kind of criticism you don't get from most posters
ReplyDeleteHi again, Gretchen,
ReplyDeleteThis was my second visit to your book, so my main focus will be on the story you have in there. I like that you chose Airavata as your narrator, because he's not talked about much in Buck's version (:like you said) which gives you a mostly blank slate to go off of when he's narrating.
I would like to suggest to you to do something to make sure people know he's the elephant in the story and painting. This could be accomplished by either including something in the description or having your museum tour leader saying something about him being an elephant. Good work on your first story, and I hope to see your book again sometime soon.
- Continued from above
ReplyDeleteI realized in retrospect that you did include that the elephant bowed for the audience, which was exactly what I was trying to get you to do. If there's any way you can include a detail like that earlier in the first story, I think it would be perfect. I like your segue in the museum as it logically makes sense to go from exhibit to exhibit, which makes it easy to go from story to story.
I read your introduction before and I believe I left a comment so when you ended up in my group I was excited to see how you approached your story. The first part of your story was like an mini introduction and it was hilarious. The way the people reacted, from the characters in the picture, to the tour guide was perfect. Once your story began I think you did a great job of adding more to the story that I felt was glossed over in both books so you did a good job. I do have a few critiques for you about the actual body of your story. I would go back and change the spacing between the paragraphs. This distance between them really distracted me when I was reading. I am not sure if this was just a formatting issue from MS Word or if you chose this spacing on purpose but because your background is White, having that large of a space the reader begins to focus on the white background rather than you the actual words so at time I found myself reading lines more than once. One great thing about your story I really like was the hotlinked words. I think this was a great idea because it helps the reader understand not just your story but the characters in your story a little more. Great Job.
ReplyDeleteCover Page: This picture is beautiful!!! Do they have Hindu exhibits in the Philadelphia Museum of Art, or is this just a really cool picture?
ReplyDeleteIntroduction: O my goodness this is SO GOOD!!! I absolutely love this idea of the paintings coming to life to tell a story!!! Typically when I write my comments for the internet assignment I write them as a read, and often stop in the middle of reading to write. As I read yours I couldn’t stop. You had drawn me in and I couldn’t stop. Great Job!!! I cannot wait to read your story next.
Airavata’s Story: O I thought I was a part of the tour group . . . Well I guess not. Wait I thought this was Nara’s first tour ever? I thought he just found out about moving pictures, so would this not be the first time he gets to see people’s reactions to the moving paintings?
I do love this story so much!!!!! This is a very creative way to share the story of how Ravana captured Indra. I think it really fit that the story was from the perspective of his vahanas. I did notice the changes you made in the story and I think you made the right chose in making a blended version of the two, Buck’s and Narayan’s, plus adding in your own twist. I liked it a lot!! GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, Gretchen! You picked such a fun topic. I like how you set it up that this knowledge was exclusive but you were sharing it “secretly” with us as an audience- I was automatically more tuned into the story when I felt like you were going to tell a secret. I also really liked the pictures you included on all pages- it help provide a visual image of what the story setting is. I particularly liked how you put the picture toward the top so I already had an image in my mind before I read the story. I love how you chose to tell the stories in the “Ramayana” but the set up for the story is so interesting and from a cool point of view. I can also see how you set up the other stories for some other moving/talking portraits. As for the formatting of the storybook, the colors are great- distinguished, sophisticated, but there’s still some color. Also, the text shows up very clearly and is easy to read. In your author’s note you had mentioned why you chose to tell a story about Airvata and really like how you thought threw why you chose him and didn’t just choose a character based on the first story that came to mind. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Gretchen. I just got to look over your storybook. You picked a really good topic to focus on. The way that you introduce your story lets the audience feel as if you are allowing them to share a secret with you, drawing them closer in. The moment I read that, I was automatically more interested in how the storybook was going to be set up. I love the picture that you set for the cover page. It definitely sets the stage for the different stories being based off of paintings. I never thought to have the paintings be alive, kind of like the magical paintings in Harry Potter. The tour guide makes the tour seem more personal, and the manner in which the stories are told is a lot of fun! The first story is really well told. It is interesting to see how the painting works both to interact with the audience and to act as a tour guide himself. I think that the way you are presenting the vahanas works to show their personalities. I am looking forward to reading the story on Garuda for next week. I love the image that you chose for it. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Gretchen, what a great concept and idea you chose to do your storybook over, I mean its awesome! I liked how you portrayed all the characters and how you chose to write it. Firstly, I enjoyed the pictures you chose to portray the idea of Museums and how each character is involved and highlighted. I must say you are a great writer because I did not want to stop reading your stories because they were that interesting! I think you have the right idea while writing because you make the reader want to read more and be anticipated for the next time which is great! I thought it was cool that you made the paintings alive! I mean that is really awesome! Your idea of portraying the vahanas in such a way is unique and definitely something that is new, which makes the readers more interested in your work. Your cover page and introduction both are solid. I enjoyed reading your stories so far and I can tell you know exactly how to please your readers! You are doing a great job with your book and stories. I can't wait to read more of your work next time. Good job Gretchen!
ReplyDeleteHey good morning Gretchen! I absolutely love your storybook! The background is pleasant and not too abrasive of a color scheme. The font you used is also a good choice and not something all that ridiculous. I thought the picture on the front page of the museum was a cool idea and also how the following picture is of inside the museum followed be a close up of a single painting. It flows well with the story in that its like you’re walking into the museum and then proceeding to the exhibit. As for the theme of the stories, I must say it is very creative and pretty awesome. I almost feel like the paintings are like those found in Harry Potter. I also enjoyed how much enthusiasm you put into your story. I can almost see you being the peppy museum curator absolutely loving your job all the while doing your best to insure everyone else is having a fantastic time. The way you had the talking painting tell the story of Indra being beaten by Ravana was pretty great and made the storytelling feel more authentic in that you actually got Indra’s personal account of the battle. I can’t wait to read more of your stories. Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteYeah I had the same question about the two women in the picture. I wondered who they were. I am pretty sure one of them is Lakshmi (the goddess who incarnated as Sita), but I wonder who the other one is. I think you did a wonderful job in condensing the story into less than 1000 words. I really liked the story of Garuda when I first read it, so I think this story is great. I particularly like how Garuda was cunning in getting the nectar but had no intention of letting them drink it. I love that you added that the way Garuda stalled his family from drinking it was completely outrageous, because they do not have any hands. I like how everyone in the painting moves and can even talk, but it is the vahana who really do the talking. I wonder who the next painting will be of.
ReplyDeletePreviously I have read the first part of your storybook and I greatly enjoyed it so I was excited to see that your next story was up. I think you did a great job on this particular story. I specifically like the use of your dialogue. I think it fits very well within the original story. Over all I think you have done a wonderful job.
I really love the idea you’ve come up with for your storybook! Very Night at the Museum! The thing I adore most about your writing is that it’s always pristinely edited, and you actually know how to separate your story out into paragraphs! There are so many people that have not picked up this knowledge yet.
ReplyDeleteAs for pictures, I love them. I think you’ve chosen great pictures for your stories, though I do have to say that the picture on Garuda’s story is not my fave. I think Airavata’s story picture worked really well with the moving art premise of your storybook, but somehow Garuda’s story picture did not do the same or at least not as well.
Honestly, your storybook is not very captivating. You theme and layout are boring (though it does work with the museum feel) and your title is about as vanilla as they come. “Mysterious Museum” leaves no intrigue or mystery in my mind, only boredom. Granted, I have no suitable alternative titles for you, but perhaps it is something to play with in the future. Same with your theme, because there are so many great and interesting ones for free and I cannot stress how a night of just playing around on this website will do for your storybook.
Hey, Gretchen! I love your new storybook addition! I already commented on the introduction and the first story, so I’m going to focus more on the second one for these comments. For starters, wonderful job! I love how the story was told in such a fun, personal way. I also really liked how you added much more detail and really showed the background of the friendship rather than brushing over it because they are such close friends and you did a great job of highlighting that! Furthermore, your blog itself is great. The spaces between paragraphs help break up the story into more read-able pieces which is wonderful. Furthermore, the olive color of the background helps create a sophisticated feel – perfect for a upscale museum setting. The font is also easy to read and shows up well on the background. The picture you chose also fits well and I love how you have found such great pictures that really would be in a museum. Also, being able to see the picture on the page helps symbolize what the talking pictures would maybe look like. Overall, I don’t really have any suggestions. If anything, I think that when there are quotation marks but paragraphed off, you leaves quotation marks off on the back end but put them in front of the new paragraph but that’s all I got. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Gretchen!
ReplyDeleteI returned to your storybook this week and read Garuda's story. I was not at all disappointed! The first thing I noticed was the picture, and I really liked it. One thing I love about Indian art is that it includes so many beautiful colors. The picture you chose is beautiful and kind of funny to me because it makes Garuda look like a player/ladies man. Anyway, besides the picture, I enjoyed your actual story a lot. You are a really talented writer! You added lots of wonderful detail to this story and I like that you went into the story of their friendship instead of just stating that they are close friends. You also gave the story a very personal feel which made the narrator more interesting. The writing is really good and the layout does not detract from it. I like how broken up your story is and how much it relies on discussion between characters. Dialogue can sometimes seem unnecessary or awkward, but you placed it well and used it to really advance your story. The only thing I can say is that I wish your overall blog was more colorful. It's not necessary, but I am a big fan of color.
Anyway, good job this week!
Hi Gretchen! Your storybook looks great! I really like the cover photo you have chosen, as it really gives your readers the starting image of where this is all taking place. I have commented on your introduction before but I will say again that I think it is terrific. You really set this up nicely for your readers and it instills an interest immediately. I really like how your narrator has a sense of humor about the whole thing. I feel like she is kind of going through the story with us while also carrying us along on our own journey of observation. I really like how the characters are excited to tell their story-- it adds a bit more excitement to the rest of us. I really like the way you have changed up the story slightly to be a hybrid between Buck and Narayan’s versions. The image you have chosen for your second story is terrific because I think I have never seen it before and you have defined it with a date below it, the way most museums display their art. Nice touch. I really like all of the dialogue you have included in your second story. I felt like your first story was missing this and you did a great job of working it in here.
ReplyDeleteGretchen,
ReplyDeleteI loved your theme! When I opened your Storybook, I had no idea what to expect. The title had me really curious and I couldn't help but want to know more about the Mysterious Museum!
Your introduction was great. After reading through it, I immediately knew what angle you were going to hit the stories from and how you were going to generally approach them. Made me feel a lot better knowing all this information. I loved this theme! Super creative. It kind of reminds me of the moving paintings in Harry Potter. Even though they don't always tell full stories, that whole concept was just so cool to me! So props on bringing that here to your storybook!!
I love how spaced out and easy to follow your stories are. Your narrator is a person that I would want to be friends with one day! You portrayed her feelings and emotions throughout each story really well. I definitely felt like she was doing a great job guiding the audience. Both you stories were very well written and I think having the dialogue and images there really helped pull everything together. You did a great job on your Storybook!
Hello Gretchen! This is my first visit to your storybook and I have got to say it is very well put together! The cover page works great since this is where all the stories are being told, inside the museum. The image in the introduction of a room with people makes it seem like the reader is included in this story as well as a spectator so I think that was a creative call. I think it is interesting that you chose to have artwork displayed in a museum tell their own stories because it is usually written on a plaque beside the artwork. You could have done this and had the spectator be reading these plaques but I am so glad you took the more interesting route of having moving and talking paintings! The narrator in the intro does a good job of bouncing back between speaking to the reader, having their own thoughts about the artwork, and speaking to the spectators directly. I think the first story 'Airavata's story' is well told and I love the detail you put into the confrontation with Ravana and how Airavata got to scar him. Great work with this storybook, it flows perfectly with the images and the author's notes.
ReplyDeleteHey Gretchen! This was a really great storybook. I just don’t understand how I was never able to read this storybook through out the semester. I regret not having seen this storybook earlier. I feel like you had a rally unique theme and pretty unique stories as well. The introduction was pretty great how you made the art with the actual characters of the stories. It was really great how you made the little kid the one to point out that the characters were moving, since adults tend to refrain from blurting out things. So I feel like you did an amazing job in introducing this storybook and getting the readers interested in the storybook. The stories that follow after that are just amazing. They do a really amazing job in keeping the readers interested. The stories were also some that were outside of the normal, which we are used to hearing and the storytelling point of view is also really amazing. These stories are told from the vahanas point of view. This is really great because we rarely hear them speak or tell us anything so this is another factor that keeps us interested. I really enjoyed this storybook and can’t believe I didn’t see this storybook earlier.
ReplyDeleteHi Gretchen! It was nice reading your storybook project. I found it really weird that it was my first time reading your storybook project in this semester. I clicked on your website and I really liked the theme of it. From your titled I assumed your storybook project to be about museums and library archives or something along those lines. And your website gave me that exact image in my head. The colors fit perfectly, especially with the different shades of green. The picture of the Philadelphia museum of art was also the perfect addition to your website. I also really liked your idea for the storybook project. I thought that it was really creative idea and that you did an amazing job with your project. After reading your introduction I thought that you did an excellent job grabbing the reader’s attention and keeping it throughout the entire read. I also thought that the stories were really interesting. They were a very smooth read. I could not really think of a way to make your story book project any better than it already is. Overall I think you did an outstanding job on your project and I hope to read your other stories for fun in the future!
ReplyDelete